A number of words to describe yesterday: interesting, intense, fun, exciting, emotional, exhausting. It was one of those days with a sensory overload for everyone involved, especially Meghann. It also seemed to be a very positive experience as well. We were with the birth family for almost nine hours, so a fair warning this is going to be a long post.
We started at 11AM in the hotel lobby, first meeting our translator Lydia who we met during our last trip to Korea. I have to say that translator feels like too light of a word. Lydia not only does an excellent job at translating the conversations both ways, but also directs the overall interaction between all parties involved and sometimes almost mediates between the different cultures to help understand differences. She is absolutely amazing at what she does.
Shortly after meeting Lydia, Meghann’s “3rd sister” (meaning the 3rd oldest) Jinsoon met us in the hotel lobby, accompanied by her son (9) and daughter (8). She and Meghann gave each other hugs and briefly chatted. While Meghann was noticeably taller than Jinsoon, the resemblance between them was striking, especially in the face. We then all went and got in Jinsoon’s car to head to the home of Meghann’s birth mother on Yeongdo, a small island on the south side of Busan.
The drive there wasn’t too eventful. We talked with Jinsoon a little bit while she weaved in and out of the crazy traffic – she drove pretty aggressively, a lot like Meghann does in Phoenix. She had a nice, newer Hyundai with a lot of the features you would see in a nice car in the US. She told us that Meghann’s entire immediate birth family would be there for the day, which included her four sisters (one a half sister), her brother, her mother and father, three nieces and a nephew.
After about twenty-five minutes, we arrived in a small alley and parked right along the side. We walked over to an apartment building and went up several outdoor flights of stairs up to the fifth floor, and then down a small dark hallway to see Meghann’s birth mother standing in a red blazer in a doorframe. She gave Meghann an emotional hug, and lead us all inside the small apartment to sit. All of Meghann’s immediate family was in there to give her hugs before she, her mother and father, and Lydia sat down to talk in the middle of the room. Mrs. Kim was also there, who was the lady Meghann had met during our first trip to Korea that provided a lot of the details about Meghann’s birth family to her. The rest of us stood/sat around the sides of the room, listening.
The room was a bit chaotic at this point – everyone very curious, a lot of things happening. I was trying to capture some of it with photos/videos while standing next to Meghann’s sisters. Both Meghann and her birth mother were in tears. Meghann’s mother was expressing to her how sad she was and sorry she was for giving her up for adoption and not letting Meghann grow up with her siblings, and she was to blame for any anger or unhappiness Meghann felt as a result. Meghann was reassuring her that she did not have any anger or unhappiness, and that she had a very happy life with great parents in the US. Meghann’s birth father was quiet but patted her birth mother on the back (note here – they were divorced before Meghann was born and he didn’t know about Meghann until later).
After about 5-10 minutes, we all stood in a circle for re-introductions, in which they told us their name and age. There was Meghann’s father (Pansik, 73), mother (Sonsook, 63), 1st sister (Songja, 40), 2nd sister, (Seoksoon, 39), brother (Youngmo, 36), 3rd sister (Jinsoon, 34), and 4th sister (Eungyoung, 28). There was also Songja’s husband and daughter, Seoksoon’s husband, and Jinsoon’s son and daughter.
After introductions, a traditional Korean meal was brought out for us to eat. Meghann and I had eaten a buffet breakfast at the hotel and were not particularly hungry, but didn’t want to be rude so we sat down on the floor to eat. They served us kimchi, soup, bugolgi, eel, apple slices, and had a number of dips. The food was all very delicious, better than any of the restaurant food I had eaten in Korean restaurants. When complimenting them on the food, they all laughed and said that I had better say that or I’d be in trouble. They also kept telling us that I looked healthy, and Meghann looked skinny. Meghann’s birth father kept telling me I looked handsome, and when I finally complimented him back with the same, he laughed loudly and said “Of course I am, just look at all of my family!” Shortly after this time, they brought out matching sweatshirts for everyone to wear.
Another thing we were exposed to here was the Korean drinking culture (starting at 12:30pm, wow!) Meghann’s birth mother brought out a few 40oz bottles of beer, and some bottles of soju, one of the most popular Korean liquors. One thing about soju – it’s 16.7% alcohol, so luckily not as strong as most US 40% alcohol liquors. We each had 1oz shot glasses as part of our place settings (really, they along with a coffee cup and silverware were our place settings as the community style eating doesn’t use plates). The culture there was that drinks were usually poured by others (always using two hands to pour, two hands to hold the glass while the other pours). They immediately poured a shot of soju for everyone at the table and held a toast. After that, it seemed like almost a constant stream of everyone pouring each other soju. I had several compliments that I was able to hold mine well, and they seemed to get a kick out of it each time I’d pour them shots off soju. Meghann stopped after 2-3.
After eating and now being extremely full, we all left to head to where Mrs. Kim lived on Yeongdo island, which is quite a ways up the mountain. Meghann and I had been there the last time we were in Korea – it was maybe five to ten minutes away from her birth mother’s house. We parked and walked further up the steep mountain to where Meghann’s birth mother’s house used to be. After that, we went all the way up to the top where there was a nice walking trail. We walked for a little bit, taking pictures along the way, when took a dirt path off the main trail that lead us up to a little outdoor tent structure with tables. We all sat down, and to our surprise, it was some sort of restaurant and they ordered us soup, a Korean pancake, and fish. And this time around, bottles of Korean rice wine, which we drank out of small bowls. Despite being full, we ate some more to be polite. One thing worth mentioning here – both of Meghann’s birth parents, despite being older, moved around very quickly and seemed very sharp. After we ate, talked, and took more pictures, we visited Mrs. Kim at her house to say goodbye as we headed back to the cars.
Top row from left to right: Meghann, Jinsoon, Eungyoung
Bottom row from left to right: Seoksoon, Songja, Youngmo
From here, we drove back to Meghann’s birth mother’s house. Everyone at this point was having a lot of fun joking around, and a lot more comfortable with the conversation. Lydia was doing a very good job at keeping up with all of the translations, and everyone was becoming very animated as they spoke to help each other understand despite the language barrier. A lot of them knew a little bit of English, so they said they were able to pick out bits and pieces of what we were saying, and sometimes out of the blue would say an English word here or there. Once we sat down at Meghann’s birth mother’s house again, they brought out… more food. Apple slices, kimchi, a few other things I wasn’t able to identify, and of course, more Soju this time around. Meghann left the room to go sit with Jinsoon and her children (and hide from the food), while I stayed and somehow ate some more kimchi and spoke with the rest of the family. They were asking me some questions, such as why I liked Meghann (because she’s beautiful and smart, of course!) and what I thought of different things like the food. They also told me I needed to learn more Korean words. Just as I was thinking I was thankful that the dinner they had brought out was very light, Lydia informed me that we were now going to dinner (ahhh more food!)
We got in the car and had a short drive to dinner, which was traditional Korean BBQ. Meghann and I sat down at the very end, next to her birth parents and Lydia. Because Meghann was very skinny, everyone kept feeding her and telling her to eat more. They kept giving me food to eat as well. I have no idea how, but somehow I regained some appetite and ate the bugolgi and kimchi. It was all very delicious. As it probably goes without saying at this point, they also were pouring us more shots of soju and drinking more Korean beer. Everyone was in high spirits at the end of the day, laughing and joking around. Meghann and I were enjoying ourselves, but with everything that happened that day, we were pretty exhausted at this point. We finally got back into the cars and Seoksoon’s husband drove us back to the hotel. I think Meghann and I spoke less than 10 words before collapsing into a very long and deep sleep.
Today we’re meeting at 12pm in the hotel lobby to go eat an “American lunch” of pizza and pasta. Not sure what’s happening after that, but this evening we are driving to Daegu (a few hours north) where Meghann’s birth father lives for dinner. More to come!